Swell the city

Flowers on a black background

draped over

streamers

climbers

creepers

wound around the stump

pouring out of pallet crates

apple box wood, dainty blues, glitter yellows

one plant with many flowers

buds and vines encircle

take back the city for yourself

wind through cobble cracks

decorate the station and the hands of the people

crown loved one’s dainty heads

drip out of pub windows

make the street a swollen stream of petals

yellow darlings work away

Writing from memory

When I write things from memory – Fresh

It weighs on me, to remember how I so regularly felt,

Straight from my real memory, I lose that step of distance between me and it.

Rather than me reading what I wrote then, and copying it down all studious,

I’m there in the awful moment where trauma put it’s foot down.

What comes out of the computer

Electronic hum

The gentle breath of digital cogs wheels me on, whirrs me into so-called productivity.

It’s the hardware really, I work with an old, well-used machine.

My feed is not an echo chamber – sometimes there are things there that make me sad and ashamed. I can’t always engage because I don’t have all the time in the world.

The hostility that might meet me would drain me of my life blood.

The electric runs through these wires, provides a receptacle and a dispenser for hate that’s displayed in my screen – I read it, my eyes take it into my heart and I learn again the state of the world and what we’re dealing with.

A bloody tradition defended so viciously by people who are made of delicate flesh and bone.

Why do you, a creature of blood, yearn for the spilling of an innocent?

Why do you defend the cruelty of those that would tear you apart if you were in a different body?

I feel like a real person with you

Love,

clothed in walls and “take care of yourself”

Shared experience of a shared body,

Moments where I see your face change with pleasure, flicker through my vision,

It flits in my underwear and makes somewhere behind my eyes heavy.

Of course I still think of others sometimes, I’m no liar.

A new love reminds me of old ones, other intimacies that came and went, people whose bodies fitted differently with mine than yours does,

The comparative instinct draws me into worry, that our blossoming intimacy isn’t what it was with him or her, how should it be?

You’re so gentle with me, and I see real emotion in your eyes, feel real feelings in your touch.

Prism

Tight metal joints

Choked up

Brought down

I crawled through

thorns to be with me

Scratched up

Heart muscle ribbons

flutter in the wind

My eyes catch the light,

it’s rays jut through my brain,

decorate my perception

I unfold my limbs and glide onward

A tiring limpness tempers me, I glide onward.

Painted eyes

Affectionate walls kiss my skin, hardly fit.

Painted ceiling eyeballs roll at angles – too close

Expressive and unlidded.

I’m too big for this room.

Painted eyes on the ceiling

Squash me into foreign corners.

Anxious trainer

It’s not that far away but the whirr of the train tires me, the noise of the crowd, tickets, barriers, rush, the thought of the drunken tits on the way back, it tires me. Second quick train – the wait, the seeking out orange numbers on light up boards, following rows, “Is that mine?” “Which platform?”

So that when I get to you, all I can do is rest, rest in your arms and worry about the way back.

Gold

Gold coins,

The intrinsic beauty

though

The weight of the metal

though

not the man-given value though

the god-given worth.

Separated from the pain they cause – an artefact.

Something to run fingers through.

Yellow petals

Sun-bright in your face,

Zoomed in sand

Beautiful heavenly fragments

Pieces of scattered rainbow.

Hues of yellow undertones on my skin

Your brown eyes follow,

shaped by years of victorious resilience.

Gentle white tiger stripes where I’ve thickened up

proved like a human gold-dough

A dusting of fingertip sprinkles on your neck

A touch of joy, relieved to sit on your lap

Forehead to forehead.

Slow.

Citizen of the Created world

I use the colours I want, if I want to use mud I will,

If I want to use the rain, I will

I use the fog for the smog, for the clouds

I use the moss, the scum off the pond,

I use salt water for the tears I collect off the crests of the waves,

I use ground up shells and lilies,

I use pollen – golden dust,

I use the rusted flakes off my old bike,

I use soot for your spite,

I use the light for the mighty way I dealt with it,

Forget-me-not sky,

Stone road,

Bone-chalk makes willow trees

Open plain – gap

Panes of glass shattered,

I make the water and it’s movement,

It pushes me through the pages to an empty one,

I’ll paint this together with my love, one day.

I’ll bring life here,

To this clearing.

I’ll realise I’m back to the world – a beautiful rock, of which I am a part.