I just saw on article about “the red pill” shared by The Body Is Not An Apology on my Facebook feed and my body went limp around my over laboured heart as the violence came flooding back.
It was difficult to write this post, had to lay on my side and practice breathing slowly and with conviction.
When people make fun of content warnings and safe spaces it reeks of a lucky life untouched by trauma and the after effects and it quite heavily annoys me as it undermines my experience of life as someone with PTSD. Either that or they’re just ignorant of the meaning and purpose of procedures that help preserve people’s choice to be exposed, or not, to content that might make them go to a scary place.
If you don’t know what the red pill is, the article is here. I haven’t read it because I can’t but I trust the source that shared it, The Body is Not an Apology. (NB: If you need a resource I would recommend this website and it’s affirmations of “radical self-love”.)
When I get like this I have to assert my own worth to myself as my body aches and tires from the vivid muscle memory of abuse.
The doctrine of the red pill is one of dehumanisation and allows people to be humiliated, manipulated and mistreated at the hands of people they should be able to feel safe with- intimate partners. It creates a place where boastful discussion of abuse is met with applause and fraternal approval, and it normalises disturbing notions and behaviour.
I’ve had to talk about it in therapy before but I feel it is widely unknown about even by professionals in mental health, I’ve had to explain what it is more than once to counsellors.
Anyway, I suppose I want people to know about the damage things like this can cause because the Internet and groups that form or congregate there are part of our real life and they have real life consequences on real life brains and bodies and the daily lives of human beings.
I feel vulnerable writing this so I just want to do a little heart to share the love . Remember that your worth is not affected by the things you suffer through.
P.S. The amygdala is the place in the brain that is responsible for fight/flight and freeze responses, it sort of processes trauma and makes your body act and feel as if you are in a dangerous situation even if you are not.
It does this by recognising flags such as particular sights or sounds that remind one of previous experiences of trauma and fear. It works to help us survive but it’s response is often unneeded and excessive in the case of PTSD.