Constant

I hope to sit with you one day,

in a content sort of way.

Sometimes thing are okay and sometimes they’re not,

But I’d love to have you as a constant, even though you can’t be constant,

Because one day, after you’ve become my constant, my comfort, you’ll die, or I will,

And the other will be left in a constant state of grief and loss, which will in some way ease but never go.

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Match.com is inadequate for my bisexual needs

This is one of those posts I just do, and don’t think about too much. I’d just like to share a bit, and this is my sharing vessel. It’s pretty short haha, don’t worry.

So basically, match.com doesn’t allow you to pick more than one gender that you are or that you are interested in.

When you first sign up it says: “I am” and the options are “a man” or “a woman”.

Then, the second part says “looking for” and the options are the same and this is deeply inconvenient and limiting for me and it annoys me because I’ve started paying for it now on impulse and I’m paying for a limiting service.

I think I sort of felt that by paying for it, going through the action of going through my purse, I was being active and serious about finding someone yknow, because I am. I could just really do with someone to be with and get excited about seeing, and to cuddle and go out with, someone who can indulge me with all the sex I haven’t been having for so long haha.

I am annoyed by what I see as Match’s failing because it’s alienating. I’ve been on Okcupid for two years now and I’m getting a bit sick of it to be perfectly honest, I just wanted a fresh site and a bit of a fresh start, but at least Okcupid let me open up my preferences to more than one gender. I could actually select “Everyone interested in women” and that was much better for me.

Now, I’m just looking through a sea of men, and I already feel like maybe I should’ve picked women and it’s just made me make a choice I didn’t want to make about who I want to see based on something that feels inconsequential in terms of my attraction, and it’s frustrating.

It must be off-putting for gender non-conforming people in an even bigger way. :/

I just wanted to take advantage of the wider dating pool I assume match.com has because of it’s popularity and the number of stories I’ve heard about people meeting through it and I feel like I can’t join in in the way I want. Siiiiiiiiigh.

P.S. I appreciate that match.com gets plenty of business without changing this, I just needed to get it out of my system. And maybe if it was a bit more inclusive, it would get even more.

 

Diary

This is the first thing that comes to mind:

that time when an “important” someone said I wasn’t pretty in not so many words.

This is the second thing that comes to mind:

the things I write are, so often, a sapping showcase of my vulnerability.

This the the third thing that comes to mind:

my poor little dead bird in the soil.

This is the forth:

I cried so much over that dead bird, harder than I’ve cried in years, so hard that I hurt my throat, that my mother said she hasn’t heard me cry that hard since the first time my heart was broken when I was 18 and still a girl.