When I was in therapy
CBT for my PTSD
I had to tell the woman what happened
And she recorded it,
I had to listen to this hour long thing,
As many times as possible to get used to the feelings and process them,
Here’s what I wrote the second time I listened to it
(I had to note down the bits that were particularly difficult, when I got upset.)
24 mins in the word sex. Right at the start when I was talking about being ashamed. 26.42 Start of the description. Safe place 37 mins.
Just the embarrassment of her asking me to go to my safe place made me get twound,
As if I didn’t deserve to go there.
The first time, I heard myself cry quite a lot
I heard myself cry in a desperate way
I heard my breathing become heavy and laboured and I heard the distress
That helped me have the empathy I have for myself now,
I treat myself like a treasured friend.
When I told what I thought of myself after, she asked me :”What would you say, if your friend told you this?”
I’d say it wasn’t her fault, and I wouldn’t be lying.
I deleted what I wrote the first time I listened to it – I didn’t want to see it again,
She also said I could delete the recording now,
And I did, and it felt good.