This is one of those posts I just do, and don’t think about too much. I’d just like to share a bit, and this is my sharing vessel. It’s pretty short haha, don’t worry.
So basically, match.com doesn’t allow you to pick more than one gender that you are or that you are interested in.
When you first sign up it says: “I am” and the options are “a man” or “a woman”.
Then, the second part says “looking for” and the options are the same and this is deeply inconvenient and limiting for me and it annoys me because I’ve started paying for it now on impulse and I’m paying for a limiting service.
I think I sort of felt that by paying for it, going through the action of going through my purse, I was being active and serious about finding someone yknow, because I am. I could just really do with someone to be with and get excited about seeing, and to cuddle and go out with, someone who can indulge me with all the sex I haven’t been having for so long haha.
I am annoyed by what I see as Match’s failing because it’s alienating. I’ve been on Okcupid for two years now and I’m getting a bit sick of it to be perfectly honest, I just wanted a fresh site and a bit of a fresh start, but at least Okcupid let me open up my preferences to more than one gender. I could actually select “Everyone interested in women” and that was much better for me.
Now, I’m just looking through a sea of men, and I already feel like maybe I should’ve picked women and it’s just made me make a choice I didn’t want to make about who I want to see based on something that feels inconsequential in terms of my attraction, and it’s frustrating.
It must be off-putting for gender non-conforming people in an even bigger way.
I just wanted to take advantage of the wider dating pool I assume match.com has because of it’s popularity and the number of stories I’ve heard about people meeting through it and I feel like I can’t join in in the way I want. Siiiiiiiiigh.
P.S. I appreciate that match.com gets plenty of business without changing this, I just needed to get it out of my system. And maybe if it was a bit more inclusive, it would get even more.
I just want someone to sleep with in both ways. Someone with whom a love can grow happily – with neither one of us shouldering more burden than the other. I don’t want to labour or suffer for you. I want to easily please you and to be easily pleased in return. In you hands, I want to feel my restlessness lift away and leave me. I want to exercise vulnerability and not resilience. I want to feel no restraint, only joy, as I lie with you fondly and feel gladdened by your heavy presence, your lion-gentle breath.
“Pitch to me Dave, what have you got?”
“I’ve got a gambling problem and athlete’s foot but I’m the most generous guy you’ll meet.”
“Noted, your turn Simon- what can you offer?”
“Good news- lovely curvy dick. Bad news- I’m tightfisted and I only brush my teeth when I feel like it.”
“OK thanks, Gary- give it to me.”
“I’m a tongue magician, but I describe myself as a tongue magician.”
“Lovely, now – Fred please.”
“I’ll make you feel small because I feel inadequate. I’ll guilt trip you constantly for the slightest mistake and make backhanded comments in front of your friends, but I have a sexy accent and I regularly get my crack waxed so I’m smooth as a silken arsehole.”
“Great, now Harry – please present yourself.”
“You’ll never trust me and I can’t commit, I’ll beat around the bush for years before ultimately disappointing you time and again, but I can be a trophy husband – everyone’ll be jealous of you and my incredible jawline.”
“Nice. Now, Pete?”
“Thanks boss, I’m funny and gentle, loyal like a labrador but I make love like a worm that’s been cut in half.”
“OK – Jeff?”
“I’m the most intelligent shit you’ll see- I have an answer for everything and you’ll never see me not smug, except for the point of orgasm which I can only reach if you prick the soles of my feet with a needle.”
“Thanks. Now Warren?”
“I’m a homophobe and a racist but boy, do I have a nice thick neck. And great table manners.”
“Excellent, thanks for your presentations everyone. I’ll consider you for the position and you should hear back within a couple of days or when I can be arsed. Thanks for your time fellas.”
Distinctly average man seeks monogamous bi woman to annoy by saying that him and his girlfriend are looking for a “play mate”*.
*(“Play thing”, “good time” and “unicorn” also accepted.)
This is a screenshot of a message I got last night from someone I’ve never spoken to. I’ve expertly doctored it as you can see, using the stickers available on my phone, it was either that or a snowman, so I used the nutcracker.
Yes, I wrote “empathetic” in my profile. Do I care if he doesn’t recognise it as a word? No.
Was I mean to him in that message I sent before blocking him? Yes. But I think he deserved it for angering me.
I like language, and as a teenager maybe I was more of a pedant with punctuation and grammar and vocabulary than I am now. I think I’ve grown up and I no longer see the point in “correcting” people.
All he was doing by introducing himself and the conversation in that way was trying to belittle me and I won’t be belittled by a nutcracker.
I just feel that, unless someone is using offensive slurs or really appropriative or inappropriate language, let them be. Simple mistakes or a little bit of creativity shouldn’t make people feel the need to try and chop people up.
Making words fit for what you need them for is fine, I reckon. That’s how new words come about and without change and growth, language would become stagnant.
For the record, I was saying in my profile, in the I’m really good at section: “Being empathetic and non-judgemental :).” Sympathetic didn’t feel right, so I wrote empathetic and that’s not a crime nutcracker, so stop cracking my nuts.
Also, “joke practice”, srsly? 😉
P.S. Just found this:
Not a fantastic picture, but it says:
of, relating to, or characterised by empathy, the psychological identification with the feelings, thought or attitudes of others:
a sensitive, empathetic school counsellor.
P.P.S – Also, I don’t know this guy’s intention, it felt accusatory and annoying but, if it was an opener, just a note – I hate when people try and start an argument as an opener – but that’s a post for another day maybe.