String of self

I just typed in “you”, searching for YouTube and “you are an experienced monk” came up in my recent searches.

Bewildered, I remembered that I’m not the same person as I was when I searched for that.

I had different priorities clearly.

I’ve remembered now, what it was about, and that’s a line of continuity that runs through past and present me.

The self is more brittle than it seems.

Sanctuary I – Self

It was hard not to take on the opinions of others and let them weave into my psyche,

I did succumb, not willingly but they crept in and my flesh grew around them and they were enmeshed inside for a while.

It took my own gumption to replace them with gold thread and unlearn ideas and beliefs about my worth and about my reasons for suffering, and my body works tirelessly each day to protect and grow the cells I’m made of.


My worthlessness is (un)profoundly universal, it’s not personal – to do with the body I’m stuck in or the person I am. If it were based on that (which it isn’t) I wouldn’t be worthless at all.

Other worthless entities need me and like my worthless company.

My worthlessness is debatable and relative and actually totally separate from the opinions of other worthless creatures.